Signing Love
by Cards
Summary: A collection of short stories featuring Deaf!Specs and Dramageek!dutchy
1. Movie Night

We'd just finished watching a movie, his mom had offered to drive us home, seeing as his car was in the shop and it was too far away to walk or bike. She had also insisted that her son would not walk around in the dark, stating that he wouldn't be able to hear an assailant if they tried to attack him. Specs had blushed signing to her that no one would try and do anything to him if I was along. I grinned as I watched the conversation, the signs flying between the two. Even though I'm sure her only son's safety I doubt that it wasn't influenced by the fact her favorite book had been made into a movie, and she wanted to see it. I didn't complain seeing as she was celebrating the last day of vacation and was paying for everyone.

We spent the trip to the movie avidly discussing the movie choices. We'd started out deciding to see a traditional gory movie, I don't remember which, but we had looked and seen that Camp was playing. Now I, being a drama nut, started begging Specs to watch it with me. He had signed to me that he didn't think it was a good idea, and didn't know how good a musical camp story would be if he couldn't hear what they said, even though the movie theater had bought the closed captioned versions to appease the large deaf population in our area. 

I shrugged trying to explain to him what it was about with out alerting his mother about the gay characters. She was slightly homophobic, and had no clue that her son was dating a boy. In fact she had even less of an idea that he was going to be sleeping over with that boy. And even less that I was the boy. 

Specs eventually gave into me, and I beamed over at him. We spent the rest of the ride discussing classes and that kind of stuff. Straight stuff.

The movie was amazignlyfantabulous! Yeah, and we did watch it, though Specs had other ideas at first kissing my neck was the previews went up. Though as the Trip preview came on he stopped bugging me and started trying to steal my popcorn. We actually did spend most of the movie avidly watching it. But when I though things were to painful I would snuggle into his arm and he would pet my hair. 

We got out after the movie as his mom was waiting for us. We had captured last kisses before the lights went up. 

The ride back was full of laughter and exuberance, and as his mother was talking about the movie he quickly picked up my hand holding it. Rubbing his thumb over my knuckles he smiled over at me turning my hand over and spelling "I love you" into it. 

He grabbed my hand possessively and I understood, no words were needed, never are. I smiled taking his hand and sign into it "Love you too"

Disclaimer: Dun own it

Author's notes: Okay I'm experimenting here with Deaf!Specs! Okay… Yeah I luffle it muchly. I think I'll keep him! Also I will work on You Told Me but this was too sweet not to write

Cards on: Pins: They hurt when ya prick your self


	2. Opening Night

Dutchy had been estatic about the play, the moment they had announced what it was he wouldn't shut up about it, how romantic it was and the beauty of the songs. He then blushed and his hands were quieted, realizing that I would never hear the songs. He then talked about the characters in the play, how sweet the romance between Collins and Angel was. 

He would practice all the time, he'd gotten a lead role and was ecstatic as he talked about it. Talked about how he had to learn the guitar for the part and how the music teacher had been giving him lessons to play the songs he needed to. His time was taken up by the play. Even though he would try and stay in touch with me it was near impossible for me to follow anything he said.

I was born deaf, I never have heard Dutchy's voice, though I read about it all the time, he always seems to be winning this or that award. I've seen the posters of the things he's been in all around his mom's apartment. And I really do wish that I could share his intrest in theater. I've seen a couple of the signing company's that his mom takes us too and I find them funny and interesting, because I know I'm not missing out on anything. 

But when I go to see Dutchy sing, even if he signs along with what he says I never can really understand how good or bad he is. And seeing the rest of the chorus sing is just boring, I can't read their lips and very few sign out what they say. 

My school is in the same area as a large school for the deaf, so there are a lot of deaf kids that go. For me this is great because the school is integrated for the deaf community and things like movie theaters have closed captioning. Its really a blessing having translators hired before you were even in the picture as opposed to because of you. And me and Dutchy aren't the only hearing/deaf couple in the school, the only gay one but there is a lesbian couple. 

So its hard to sit in the audience with his parents even though there are a few translators for the deaf kids and their families. I won't be able to hear my boyfriend sing, and I never will. Its hard sometimes to think about when I can see him up there his fingers excellently playing the guitar but I can't hear the sounds that it makes. I can't understand why this is so important to him.

He's so excited when he coems down from the stage that he pulls me into a brief hug and signs "How was it?"

"You looked beautiful" I sign back, and its hard not to kiss him as he beams at me.

"Really?" He asked bouncing on his toes "I was worried about…" He stops signing as the girl who played Mimi runs up and hugs him as they avidly carry on a conversation about something, I don't have a clue what. 

I stand next to him, the deaf boyfriend to some and to others "Dutchy's deaf best friend" Some people sign but its when he grabs my hand in front of them all that I realize I love him even more then I could imagine

Disclaimer: Dun own anything

Author's Notes: AWW DEAF!SPECS! -huggles him- He's so cuuuuute!!

Cards on: Shaving: Erm yes, maybe I should shave my legs some time soon


	3. Signing story

I grin happily over at my boy friend, his hands flying around excitedly telling about something that happened in his gym class. I laughed as he recalled when a friend hadn't seen the ball and couldn't see the teacher rapidly finger spelling "Look out!" His friend had been whacked with a basketball. 

Our school has a few problems. Sometimes teachers don't realize that it almost a third of the students are deaf, so when they come and are expected to sign at least important parts of their lessons they are clueless. Its always funny for the whole class. The hearing students can almost all sign. Its important in our school. Other wise you always wonder if someone is talking about you behind your back.

When I moved here two years ago I was taking Spanish and the only sign I knew was "I love you" the one that they teach in kindergarten. So I know how it feels to sit in the back corner of the class watching everyone else's hands elegantly talk as the teacher lectures. 

I started to learn slowly. At the office when you transfer in they always give you this little book mark of the manual alphabet. The manual alphabet is hard to do. It means that you spell out every word with your fingers and then they reply the same way. It takes a lot of effort and its normally easier if you just write back and forth to people.

But then I saw Specs. He was so funny. He wouldn't ever write to people saying that he had a language and that was it. His parents are both Deaf and raised him with a strong sense of pride. In the deaf community there are two types of deafness. Big D deaf and little d deaf. Big D means born, its normally genetic and a family trait. Little d is more about when you lose your hearing to a dieses. Things like these culture quirks are completely foreign to most hearing people. 

Specs was so great all of his friends would have these elaborate signing conversations and I would always watch them during lunch. One of his friends would notice me. A brown haired girl would talk to me after, Her name was Stage and she offered to teach me sign. 

Its fairly easy. Mostly you just have to remember where the signs are placed. But Stage was helping me. Mostly I was embarrassed about making a mistake. A lot of the mistakes are really common, Drink in return for drunk. Its embarrassing but most deaf people are understanding. I was slowly realizing that I liked Specs. Stage wasn't very revealing in either Specs sexuality or his status.

When ever I would talk to him it was normally a short conversation such as "Hi" and then he'd sign Hi back. It wasn't much but I was too terrified to say anything. I felt like a little school girl. But then one day he sat next to me in the Library. 

"Hey" He grinned signing.

"Hey" I gulped trying to remember to maintain eye contact even though when ever I did I would start blushing.

"Whats happening?"

"Um Studying"

"Wanna go out Friday?"

"Yes!" I smiled happily signing it quickly then blushing.

So that's why when Drama is over I volunteer to help teach new students sign. Because I know how ot feels not to… and my boy friend makes me.

Disclaimer: Duh

Author's notes: Yes I did do a lot of Deaf culture education in here. And so with that a reminder specs is D Deaf… So remember, They even have different signs… it's a biig deal… and Specs is very proud of his heritage… 

Cards on: Earrings- I want to re-pierce my cartilage

Shout outs:

Aura: Thanks!!

Sereph II: Dude did you see it?

Rumor: Aww thanks!!!

Geometrygal: Ancient? Really?

B: Aww isn't he great!!


	4. Culture Story

Some times Dutchy complains, loudly1 about how hard it is in his family. His mother sometimes has a hard time remembering that her son's boyfriend can't hear. I know that they sometimes get into arguments about how Dutchy should make me learn to read lips because that's the only way I'll be able to get a job and be productive in this society. I know its hard for him sometimes, most of his friends come to visit and for them the idea of me being Deaf is strange and they don't really get it. He has a hard time translating all the time. He has to translate what I say to them and then what they say back to me, as well as keeping on a conversation.

I know its not fair, but Its my culture. When I was first going to school I lived out side of this district. There wasn't another Deaf kids in the school, so the teachers were really pressuring me to read lips. I didn't mind because it wasn't too bad. It was the only way to communicate with my new friends. But soon my friends started picking up sign words and my parents hired a translator for me. The school board decided that it wasn't a good idea, That I needed to learn to speak and read lips. 

It was hell. They hired a speech teacher to sit me in front of a mirror and to copy her mouth movements trying to understand what was going on. I sounded like a fool. Then that stupid woman won Miss America. She started talking about how wonderful it was for her to learn to talk. But for me it was hell. My family is all deaf, no one speaks or even reads lips proficiently. It isn't done in my family.

Also when I was doing these speech classes I was locked essentially in a small room with only that retched women who would slap my hands when I tried to sign. My parents thought it might have been a good idea to read lips, but I was too embarrassed to tell them about what the speech teacher was doing. 

It was hard to sign comfortably at home, but my family didn't know what my half hearted speech attempts were. I was only seven at the time so trying to keep two languages separate was nearly impossible. The other students now thought I was stupider then when I had simply signed to them. 

Eventually my parents found out. They were shocked that the school had let the speech teacher do that to me. Something the school had forgotten was that I wasn't from a hearing family. In trying to stop me signing they had essentially cut off my communication with my family. It actually took a really long time for the training of that horrible woman to leave me. 

After that my family was looking for places for me to go, so we moved here. My dad got a teaching position at a local deaf University and my mom stayed at home with my new baby brother, also Deaf, I was finally at a school where I could sign and be with other Deaf kids. 

Because of my experience before I have become really rigid about my culture. I lip read, but mainly because I want to. Its also hard to follow instructions if you can't. My parents feel better about every thing that's going on now. And its nice to be in a place you belong.

I know its somewhat selfish of me not to make everyone else's life easier but, Its my life, and I've already tried to ignore who I am. I'm Deaf. And proud of it!

Author's notes: Maybe I should mention that my school is working towards integration of D/deaf kids. We're investing a lot of money in it and I am one of the kids who is really trying to learn sign and the culture surrounding it. OH! Just remembered. At borders, there is this guy, looks like Specs, and HIS BOY FRIEND IS DEAF AND LOOKS LIKE DUTCHY! I so freaked out when I realized that. He helped me get books on Deaf culture and ASL. By the way ASL dictionaries are in the disabilities section! I am pissed about that. They should be in the language…

1) This is possible, when you make exaggerated movements in sign its like speaking loud or yelling depending on how big

Cards on: Hair dye, Dyed mine a while ago, like Collin….

ASL Resources (This is a new Section, where I'll give some history site or ASL Site)

-It has a feature to practice Finger spelling too!


	5. Shame Fight

Some times when me and Sam get into arguments its my fault. I'll get sick of signing and wish he would write. Or when I get mad that he won't come out to his parents. Sometimes its his. Mad that I'm a singer, that we can't share some things the frustration he feels. Sometimes it that he gets mad when I slack off in school saying that I'm wasting my life. I can't make it on talent alone.

Normally we don't fight much, so it was a big surprise for me when he got mad at me for wanting to join the GSA. Both of us are out to the school as well as my mom. I didn't even ask him to join me. Well I might have hinted that it would have been nice, but I didn't ask.

Sam flipped out. He started to sign, the realized that he didn't have the words to say what he wanted to. His hands were held out in front of his chest, open, the fingers lightly spread and curled. His face looked shocked, he'd never had something he couldn't sign. Never had something his language couldn't supply him.

"What?" I asked my hands signing it gently, my entire frame questioning. My face looked worried, I'd never seen Sam so helpless.

"If I go to a G-S-A then they'll know" Sam looked so sad that I for a second I forgot all my anger at him and had an overwhelming urge to hug him.

"Know your Gay" He said, not able to look me in the eye.

"AND YOU'RE NOT!" I yelled, Sam cringed as I realized that for the first time I had yelled at him, Yelling not signing. It scared me, made me feel foolish. Of course in our school every hearing kid got impatient and said something without signing it. But I'd been so good at it. Never knowing how they could forget. I laughed at them, but now I knew, sign would always be a second language never the one I thought with, always a new thing to my mind and when I would be the most needing to communicate with Sam I might not be able too.

"What?" Sam asked looking pathetic, my hands were held up by my face, the palms open, pointing at him. "What?" He asked more worried, wanting to know, to gain entry to the things that I was obviously learning.

"You aren't gay?" I asked, letting my mind leave the revelations to later. "Is that what you mean?"

"I am!" Sam said quickly "I just don't want my parents to know!"

"Why not?"

"Because they hate gays!" Sam snapped his hand movements quick "I thought I told you that!"

"But you'd be out! No more hiding or worrying!"

"I'd be out yes! Kicked out!"

"You could live with me and my mom!" My mother opened up our small house to my friends who needed it when I was in the seventh grade, when my best friend at the time was being teased ruthlessly by her step brother and needed a place to stay while negotiations at home took place. The tradition had continued when we moved.

"You're mom doesn't know sign!"

"I don't see why it matters if I join."

"Because if they know you're gay then they'll hate you and tell me not to ever hang out with you!"

"So you're ashamed of me!"

"Never!"

"You seem like you are!"

Sam looked like I had slapped him. "Alec, I couldn't ever be ashamed of you" He said his hands soft Gently he touched my chin "And I'm not ashamed of us." He kissed me lightly "I just don't want my parents to know. Maybe I can tell them later, when I'm not so dependant on them." I know what he means. His parents pay for translators, they pay for a lot of things, and he loves them.

"Sam" I whisper then blush "Sorry" I sign. It strikes me again that we have this block in front of us. "S-A-M" I start "I don't" I realized I don't have the words, in sign or speaking. This is too big to convey in a language. I pull him to me in a tight hug kissing below his ear whispering against his skin "I love you" My lips brushing against his skin.

Our relationship isn't perfect. We get into fights. We argue. I don't know what silence sounds like. His family will never approve of what we are. But I will say that we do love each other. And that's worth more then any fight can cost.

Authors notes: Aww! So cuute!


	6. Love Fight

I smile running a hand through Dutchy's soft hair, feeling the strands separate and fall back as my fingers reach the end. I grin, holding the longish hair back as I lean in and lightly kiss his ear.

Dutchy turned his head away from my lips. "Is that a good idea?" He signed huffily.

I sigh "They're gone" I say softly "Its okay" I know he's still mad at me for not joining the GSA.

"They might come home" he signs flippantly. Rolling his eyes.

I sigh, leaning in and kissing him gently "Please, lets just enjoy this." I sign kissing him, and pushing him lightly down on the couch. Laying over him. My hands supporting me on either side of his head. We have no way to communicate.

He pushes me away. "No" he signs "I need a break"

I pull back, shock evident in my face. "WHAT?"

"S-P-E-C-S" he finger spells my name, slowly. He's trying to figure out what he's going to say. I've used the same tactic with him, my mother, my father, my teachers. I taught it to him.

"Just Tell me!" I snap, nothing can be worse then this waiting.

"I love you" he signs "I just can't deal with the duality of the relationship I want to be able to express how I feel with you, I want to kiss you and not worry about the news going back to your parents. I want to touch your face and grab your ass. I want the troubles of a relationship, I want the joys of a relationship. I want all that. I want you. I want to be with you"

I gulp watching as his hands slow down after the last sign, falling to his sides. I want them to tell me something else. He's an incredible romantic, and I know that speech is from his heart. I sigh. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to be honest!" He says gently. I realize suddenly that neither of us have made up nicknames for each other, we have been content to simply use the signs for "Spectacles" and "Dutch".

Dutchy leans forward and kisses me. "This isn't break up. This is just me sorting this out."

He stands up, leaving me sitting on the couch. I look up at him as he glances back at me, through blonde hair that has fallen into his eyes. Hair that I had moments ago been playing with.

"L-O-V-E Y-O-U" I sign Spelling it out to keep him here longer.

"Love you too" He says it as he signs it. I can read the words on his lips. He used to laugh and repeat them on my neck as we kissed. Now I can see those days might be limited.

I look up into his eyes, sighing as he breaks the eye contact, blue eyes moving to the path a head of him from my own chocolate brown eyes.

I gulp back tears and only let them go when he has left. My parents come home to see me cuddled into a pillow and watching late night TV

Author's notes: Okay this isn't the end. They aren't broken up. Next Chapter, much mush!

Cards on: Moulin Rouge: PRETTY!


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